It was bound to happen at some point. I lived up to the ‘poser’ part of our name and I am going to share it with you because that’s how we roll.
This summer was an amazing one for my marriage. My wife and I were able to spend some much needed time together and grew closer. It was great. I felt my love for her grow deeper and mature a bit too.
This summer was also a good one for my relationship with God. On a trip we took to a lake in Saskatchewan and a gathering with a bunch of youth ministry people, I found my faith to be renewed and my pilot light starting to fan into flame again… a feeling I hadn’t felt in a while.
Life was good.
Enter late August.
Faced with the challenge of the upcoming school year, my wife began to do as every teacher does… plan and prepare for the upcoming year. This is great! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. She was being proactive and I am very proud of her for that.
Unfortunately my ego saw it differently…
My ego saw her going to prepare in the school every day… and I was left at home… alone. Sad I know.
Cue the worlds smallest violin.
But this was seriously how I was taking it. We went from amazing time spent together to considerably less in a very short amount of time… and I was left asking, “What about ME!”
After a stubborn phase, I reflected.
What happened here?
You ever hear that saying that says something about not expecting your spouse to fulfill you or grant you true happiness? The point of it is that you’re supposed to be relying fully on God for true happiness. Frankly, it’s not fair to expect someone else to make you fully happy. It’s not fair to the other person because they are incapable of that… and it’s not fair to you because you’re searching for the perfect among the imperfect.
But let’s stay away from the ‘not fair to you’ part (we are trying to slay our egos after all) and focus on the ‘not fair to them’ part. What I was doing wasn’t fair to her because I had godly expectations on her that were impossible. One of our PiousPoser staff members, Jason, sometimes throws around the saying, “Don’t hang your hat on a hook that can’t bare the weight”. This is exactly what I was doing. I was placing my need for happiness on her. What a jerk hey!? I was going to her for my happiness instead of going to God.
Now, here’s the really crappy part. I didn’t even know I was doing it until it was too late and I was playing the poor me card. It’s a slippery slope.
Without even knowing it, I had focused my ‘pursuit of happiness’ efforts on my wife’s ability (or inability) to do so. *NOTE* I am NOT saying that my wife doesn’t make me happy. She does! She is an amazing wife and I love her with all of my heart!* I am simply saying that human love and affection can only go so far and cannot satisfy our deep internal longing for intimacy with God. Our spouses are supposed to compliment us, not complete us. God alone can do that.
I wanted to share this with you because I am human, and ‘To Err is Human (to forgive, divine)‘. I hope that this disclosure can speak to someone else – my wayward journey, may be used for good. I am lucky my wife loves me very much. She understood what I was going through and forgave me.
Dear Readers, let’s consider this: Who are we putting pressure on to fulfil that which they can not? What friend, activity, significant other, or habit are we using to fill that space that only God can completely inhabit within our hearts? Are we hanging our hat on a hook that cannot bear the weight?
Let’s pray for the grace to be vulnerable in front of God with all of our needs and desires. Let’s pray for one another in this human battle of looking to the finite to satisfy our desires for the infinite. Let’s reconcile those who we have used in this way.
Lord, in our brokenness – in our selfishness – in our need for love that only the core of our hearts can understand, please be with us – guide us – protect us – and fill us with the love that our hearts desire that can only be found in you. Thank you for loving me. I accept that you love me. I accept your love for me. AMEN.
Keep the faith posers.